Bevins' Baby Dedication, Mothers Day, Mysteries and Commitments

 We had the privilege of dedicating Bevin today in the presence of our friends, family and church congregation.  I cannot even begin to put into words just how thankful we are as parents to participate in this special milestone today!  I don't mean to sound like a broken record here (on this blog, Facebook, etc) but we are beyond BLESSED that Bevin was ever born.  You can read more about her mysterious story here.  We believe that we witnessed a miraculous healing in her pregnancy and birth and that her story has a higher purpose.  A purpose that is as mysterious as her healing.  We don't even know as her parents what to expect from her! 

 It was around this time last year that I realized that I was pregnant with baby #3.  It happened like this:  I felt pregnant and I took a positive pregnancy test.  A pregnancy test that sat out on the counter for the days and weeks ahead.  We were a bit overwhelmed at first.  Phil and I had just been discussing that may be "2" was our magic number!  It seemed like the practical thing to do.  I grew up in a family of 4 and loved it!  I knew no other way.  Our emotions were a combination of excitement and fear.  Isn't that how most parents feel whether this is a first pregnancy or more?

I was confused because I had actually taken a positive pregnancy test back in March.  For a few days we thought I was pregnant (until this point I had never taken a negative test) and we were in a little bit of shock.  Were we ready for 3 kids???  I was so shocked that I set up an appointment with the midwife that I had not yet met but they didn't want to see me until 11 weeks into the pregnancy.  We really didn't talk very much about it and a few days later I took another test and it was negative.  I thought that was kind of strange and then started my regular cycle 2 days later right on schedule.  I just chalked it up to a faulty test and we both breathed a sigh of relief.  Around this time is when we really started to feel comfortable with 2 as our number.  And the mystery surrounding B begins...

In April I canceled my appointment with the Midwife (it was set for the beginning of May) and my regularly scheduled cycle came again like clockwork.  I was looking forward to the summer and all of the fun things that we had planned like using our zoo membership, my summer Bible Study, and our trip to Madison Wisconsin and other fun summer adventures!  Then in the beginning of May, after being super careful all month not to get pregnant, I just felt pregnant and I took another positive pregnancy test.  I was really confused so I bought some more tests and starting taking them everyday for 4 days.  These tests stayed pregnant and it appeared that this time I really was pregnant.  I set up another appointment with the Midwife.  Again, they didn't want to see me until 11 weeks.  The receptionist saw on my patient history that I had previously canceled an appointment and wondered if this was still the same pregnancy?  I told her no but then started to wonder if it was the same pregnancy from March or not?  I decided that I had watched too much "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC and decided to tell them about the March pregnancy test when I went to my first appointment in June.

Everything about this pregnancy seemed "normal" so much so that I was SURE that I was having another boy!  I felt like this is just what I do.  I do not get morning sickness, in fact I did not throw up once throughout all three pregnancies.  My "sickness" was more in the evening and it is mostly exhaustion, it takes me a while to start showing and then when I do it really "pops" out, my babies come early and they are all boys...

The day of my June appointment I felt terrible.  I had started in the day before with a super sore throat.  Combine the sore throat with the ailments of pregnancy and my appointment couldn't come fast enough.  I was hoping that they could suggest some relief for my issues (sore throat and a extremely dry patch of skin on my hand) and have answers for the positive pregnancy test from March.  I would NEVER get to talk about any of these issues though because the moment that I met the midwife she had bad news for me about our "routine" ultrasound.  Everything that I had planned to inquire about was out the window!  They didn't even consider me a patient until July so I never asked about the whole March thing.  I kind of forgot about it in the midst of other fears.

I didn't think about it again until she was home from the NICU and I have never really told anyone about it until now.  Doesn't that bring some suspicion to the fact that she was born 5 weeks early?  I have to wonder if the 2 are related at all?  I may never know but this story just adds to the mystery of B's existence.  It also furthers my suspicion that there is a REASON that she is even here!  I really feel like God wanted her to be here.  He healed her in ways that defy modern medical science and He is already using her testimony to tell His story.  I have come to believe that God can use our own stories to tell His story.

We would have had Bevin dedicated no matter what (we dedicated Lucas and Micah) but I felt more urgent this time around.  Almost like feeling convicted that this is a special baby and that God has big plans for her life so I better make the commitment to raise her as a Child of God ASAP!  We believe that this dedication is a commitment to raise her up in the church and teach her about God.  It is not a baptism and it is not a guarantee that she will go to heaven.  We believe that her personal faith is her own choice not ours as her parents.  We also see this as us giving her back to God to use in His perfect way to further His kingdom.  God has given all of our children to us as a gift and we commit to offer them back to Him to use for His purposes! 

Love her smiles!

Today was a public commitment to raise her up in this way and expose her to God and allow her to be used by Him but before today God has already been using her story to encourage others!  Before she was even born her story has quickly become the most popular posting on this blog and as of tonight it has been viewed 617 times!!!!  I am thrilled that her story has potentially touched many more people than I would ever even know.  I was even presented the opportunity to share Bevins' story to a group of middle school girls at a local private school! 

Bevin looking at grandma.

Shortly after Bevin and I shared her story in the school, my small group of High School Junior girls (of which I am a co-leader) and I made plans to meet and pray together outside of a local abortion clinic.  The abortions are performed on Thursday mornings at this particular clinic so we met together outside the clinic on Wednesday night with other folks from the community (that we didn't know) that had gathered to pray.  I felt compelled to have her there with us that night to pray outside the abortion clinic.  It felt completely right that she be there to represent and be a symbol of the babies and lives that we were praying to save.  It was an emotional experience for me as her mother having been given the option to "do the humane thing" and abort this sick and chromosomally deficient mass of tissue, this BABY that I was holding as I fervently prayed out-loud and cried, mourned and ached for other babies that might find themselves in Bevins' position. 

So much personality!

We were also given the opportunity to share our story in an interview that we recorded with our pastor a few weeks ago.  That interview was shown today during both church services after the dedication and was actually the bulk of the service!  It is amazing how her story is affecting and encouraging people in all sorts of ways.  God just keeps bringing along opportunities to TELL HIS STORY BY USING HER STORY.  I know that this is my job and responsibility as her mother and I pray that I will not be a stumbling block in her divine calling.

Trying to free her feet from her massive skirt!

So what have I learned from all of these experiences?

Some things are just unexplainable period.  If God wants something to happen HE WILL MAKE A WAY!

ALL BABIES ARE MIRACLES.  No matter the circumstances surrounding their conception, all of the tiny little things that have to happen to create a healthy and alive baby are infinite.  Humbles me to my knees!

Whatever your lot in life, God has given you a platform.  Recognize it and use it to bring Him Glory!

Telling your story opens up a door of communication with other people.  Through the process of sharing my story so many people have come to me and told me their story!  This is what life is all about folks.  Sharing life with each other is part what brings us joy in being human as we go through life together.

Life is fragile.  There is no guarantee that I will even ever finish writing this post.  Whether we live 9 weeks in our mothers womb or 99 years on this earth that life can have meaning and purpose.

Big Brother Micah and Bevin

Made in God's Image

This:

Plus This:

And this:

Equals This:

And This:

Why We Chose the Name Bevin

Ever wonder how you got your name? It is kind of a big deal for parents! There is pressure. Expectations from family. You are naming a person and you don't even know them yet. You have not seen them and you have never officially met face to face!

Some decisions that I have to make are stressful. Like when Phil was choosing his internship. I fasted and prayed over it. We made lists of pros and cons for all the options. And when we finally did make our decision we had to try it out and see if it was a good fit. But then yesterday I chose new glasses and tried on tons of pairs. I picked a few to take home to try and get opinions. Right when the girl helping me was boxing them up I turned around and literally picked up a pair off the display and tried them on. They were the ones! I apologized for being difficult and ordered them right there. Sometimes the right thing just jumps right out in front of you! Don't you just love that?!

Way back when we found out that we were having a girl we felt some pressure. We had never picked a girl name before! Over the course of 2 evenings we took turns reading all of the girl names aloud from a baby name book. It was nice and entertaining for the boys and hey we were spending time together but we didn't like any of them. None of the names felt right. In the process I found an old post it note in the book with 2 girl names written on it. It was from when we were looking for a girl name during Luke's pregnancy. I suggested it again to Phil and he didn't like it but he did not rule it out.

We were mostly just passing time in between ultrasounds. We wanted to name this baby whether she was born alive or not. Once we were given the all clear from the high risk doctor and the baby was doing well from what we could tell in the ultrasounds we started the name thing again. I just kept bringing up the name Bevin. It meant "Fair Lady" and I really liked that idea and liked the sound of the name. It was different but Phil still wasn't sure. We kept trying it out and saying it. As people were asking us about names we would mention it and try it out. I felt like it just felt right!

One day I decided to google the name Bevin and see what came up? Not very much did but I did find this picture:

Bevin Prince

It kind of freaked me out! This girl kind of looks like me or I look like her! Now I know there is no way to know what our Bevin will look like but this felt like a sign! Don't you think so? I found no other Bevins and I found that Bevin is not on any popular baby name list anywhere. That was appealing to me. She could be her own person and identity from the beginning!

So from then on I just knew that her name would be Bevin! Some decisions are super easy! Phil came to a similar conclusion by trying out the name and getting good feedback from other people. I think that he needed affirmation from someone outside of me that it was a nice name. So that was that. The middle name was not so easy...

On delivery day after Bevin was born my mother in law wrote out two different spellings of Bevin's full name so that we could look at it and pick a spelling of Noelle.

Noelle means "Merry Christmas" in French. We tentatively decided that Noelle would be her middle name if Bevin was born before or around Christmas. We just had not decided on a spelling. When I looked at Bevin Noel and Bevin Noelle I just liked the way that the 2nd spelling looked better! Plus I liked that the spelling would be different than the NOEL sign that you see in Christmas decorations around the holidays. So that was that!

Bevin Noelle Wagler

Bevin's Birth Story - Part 2

The last time I left you we were still in the delivery room dreaming about snacks and baby names. Bevin had been whisked away to the nursery.

Soon the nurses moved me over to a recovery room. After a while Phil and his mom decided to go down to the nursery and check on Bevin before she was going to head home. I felt bad that my mother in law did not get to see Bevin yet or hold her. She still didn't get to because she was not allowed to go into the nursery and it was hard to see her from so far away. Phil was able to go into the nursery and see her because he was the dad. He snapped this photo of her. A nurse was waving oxygen above her face. I am so glad that he took this photo because it was all I had of her looking like a normal newborn for days.

While they were gone Barbara and I were chatting about whether or not she was going to head home too. She had a four hour drive ahead of her and she had been at 2 births that day. Phil saw his mom off and decided to go home and see the boys. He was going to stay home with them so that my mom could come visit too. She had been at our house all afternoon taking care of Luke and Micah. While he was gone the nurse came in to tell me that they were sending Bevin up to the NICU. They said that she needed more oxygen. I noticed they were not asking me permission they were telling me what was happening next. They assured me she was fine. I ordered some food and started eating it.

Next a NICU doctor came to my room. He introduced himself and told me that his shift was ending. He explained that he had started Bevin on antibiotics as a precaution. They did not yet know why she was having struggles to breathe. At that point he told me that she would be on the antibiotics for 5-6 days minimum. What????!!!!! And then he proceeded to question me about all her bruising! Luckily Barbara was with me and she could attest that it must have been from the quick birth. I went from 4cm to pushing in less than an hour and she was face up until the very last minute! The questioning flustered me a little bit. I didn't know why she was bruised? I had barely seen or touched my baby. After he left and I knew that i would not be nursing her tonight and that Bevin would not be rooming in with me Barbara and I decided that she could go ahead home. We didn't really know much.

After Barbara left my friend Sarah and the hospital chaplain showed up for a visit. Then my dad came into the room looking for me and Bevin. I told him that they had just taken her up to the NICU and I told him to go ahead and go see her. I couldn't go because I still couldn't move one of my legs. I did not know that they would not him in without one of her parents. So he left for home without seeing Bevin and then my mom showed up with Luke. Luke was so excited to see his sister and I was bummed that he didn't get to see her. "Maybe next time" he said! Oh dear. Maybe not?

While they were still visiting I called for the nurse so that I could go see Bevin. She helped me into a wheelchair and she took me up to the NICU. My mom took Luke home so that Phil could come back to the hospital. The nurse showed me how to scrub up my hands and do the 3 minute hand wash. I was wheeled back to her private room and i stood up on my own for the first time since getting the epidural. My recovery time was over it seemed. The seriousness of the situation overtook me. Bevin was laying in a warming bed with oxygen on her nose. She had an IV with an antibiotic drip and all kinds of other cords hooked to monitors. She started to fuss and there was nothing that could be done for her. I had to put on rubber gloves and I put one hand over the top of her head and the other hand under her bottom and pretend held her. She grunted with each breath. The nurse told me that a lot of times with 35 week babies they can breathe alright on their own at first but then they get tired and can't handle it. I thought about what Barbara had said that this was why 100 years ago so many women had to bury their babies. I noticed that her oxygen level was dipping into the 80's and it was supposed to be 100%. I realized there was nothing that I could do. I would not be nursing her tonight. In fact she would not be fed at all that day or the next day. The weariness hit me. I needed to go lie down. A nurse wheeled me back down to my room. Phil was waiting.

That night Phil went up to visit Bevin too. As far as we knew she was doing fine. We checked again with the nurse that night and she was doing fine so we went to sleep. In the past that first night in the hospital is a rough one. Nursing is sporadic and painful, the nurses come in to take blood pressure, temperature etc. but not tonight. In fact, we sleep right through the night. No one comes in until after 8:00 AM.

We take our time waking up. I order breakfast and we eat casually. We ask our nurse to check on Bevin and she says everything is fine. So I get dressed and ready for the day and we walk up to the NICU. Well, first I try to get a wheelchair for me but they tell me no. I am on my own. Time to start healing.

As soon as we walk in the door of the NICU the nurse says "Are you the Waglers?" "Yes" I say. "Well I was just calling your room and we couldn't find you." I wash my hands quickly. I see the doctor outside of Bevin's room and he walks towards me. I can tell by the look on his face that something is wrong. He starts telling me something about a hole in the lung but all I really remember is a nurse handing me a release form to sign for a procedure. He needs to put in a chest tube and he asks Phil and I to leave the NICU while they do the procedure. My heart starts to pound, I sign the paper with a shaky hand and a nurse escorts us to the door.

We sit down on a bench outside the NICU. What is going on? We had thought she was doing great. As we sat there I swallowed my tears. Phil asked me if I was okay? "No" I told him. We watched other people coming and going from the NICU. I could see that there were 2 additional doctors waiting outside her room. They must be back up just in case...I start pacing around the hallway. I fight back the thoughts in my head. "We are going to lose her and I never even got to really hold her or nurse her or KNOW her!" I can see the door to her room through a window and I see a nurse run out of her room and get something and run back in. The reception nurse comes out and tells me everything is fine. She says that she told the nurse that was running NOT to run. A little while after that the doctor comes out to talk to us and tell us what is going on.

Apparently at some point in the morning they had put a cpap on her to force the oxygen more fully into her lungs. They didn't know if that had caused the hole in her lung or if it was from her own gasps of air. The hole was filling her body cavity with air and making her very uncomfortable. He said that the air was putting pressure on the heart. They knew there was a hole because they had done a chest x-ray. The chest tube would relieve the pressure and let the air out of the body. They did another chest x-ray and found that the tube was in the right place and appeared to be doing its job. Now we just wait and see if the chest tube fixes her labored breathing. The doctor tells me that she will have to be on antibiotics for at least 7 days now. That is their routine for chest tubes. They do it to prevent and fight infection. So now I know that this is serious and she is going to be here for a while.

We finally get to go see her. She looks like she was in a car accident.

She had to have a feeding tube down her throat to get a good bubble with the cpap.

The chest tube that probably saved her life.

They strapped her chin so that she would keep her mouth closed.

You can see the chest tube better in this one.

Bruised and swollen cheeks and eye lids.

Her IV. It eventually took a turn in both her arms and feet.

After we left the NICU we went back to my room to have lunch. I felt really sad. I didn't even feel like eating because I knew that my baby was not not eating. In fact she had never eaten at all yet. That was really stressing me out. A lactation consultant brought in a breastpump and I started pumping. This would become my obsession over the next 2 weeks. I felt like I was doing an important job for her recovery even though she was not getting it yet.


We had quite a few visitors that day. I felt bad that we had no baby to show them. Isn't that what everyone wants to see and hold when they make a hospital visit? My mom brought the boys over to see me. She even finished one of the super big brother capes that I had been scrambling to finish the night before Bevin was born. They loved them and were super excited! I was happy to see them so happy! Robbie and Tiffany and their kids came to visit too. It was nice to feel so supported and loved. Phil's parents came later after we had our celebration meal.

Our niece and nephews!

While I was still a patient in the hospital we would visit Bevin every 4 hours. The nurse would do an evaluation and it was at that time that we could touch her. Otherwise they wanted her to rest and heal. At the 9:00 PM evaluation that night she got pretty worked up. It was hard to watch because she was crying and kicking and there was nothing we could do. We did our best to calm her. We held her hand and sang songs over her. She could not open her eyes because they were so swollen and she had that feeding tube down her and throat that she did NOT like. We told the nurse to call us later if she got upset again.

The night nurse did call us later and Phil went up to see if he could settle her. I was exhausted and in need of some rest. He did all he could. I think he sung "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "The First Noel" over and over. Finally the nurse called the doctor and got her some pain medicine. Chest tubes are painful and I can't even imagine just being born and going through all that she had gone through without any pain medication so we okayed it. It settled her right down. We went to bed that night with heavy hearts.

Too be continued...

Impossible Things Are Happening Every Day: The Story of Bevin's Birth

December 8th I woke up in the morning, rolled over and felt my water break.

It was 6:45 AM.

I paced around my bedroom with a pounding heart. It was too early! I had just hit the 35 week mark. Why was this happening? I texted my doula and told her that I thought my water had broken. I called my doctors office and they were not open yet so I spoke to the on call doctor and he told me to come into the hospital. I thought maybe it was not my water. The baby had been pushing on my bladder and maybe my bladder had finally had enough!

My doula had planned to drive up from Bloomington for Bevins' birth and she just happened to be headed to a birth in Indianapolis as we were chatting on the phone. She planned on heading to Fort Wayne as soon as she could. I was eager for her to be at the delivery. I couldn't believe this was going to work out?!

I called my parents and my dad came to pick up Micah and take him back to their house. Thankfully Luke was already there. We let him stay there the night before after church so that I could have a small break. I was so uncomfortable. At church I found myself winded as I was trying to carry on conversations. When we got home I got to work on the super big brother capes that I was making for the boys. I wanted to give the boys the capes in the hospital when they came to visit. I stayed up late getting them finished and went to bed before finishing because I figured I could finish them in the morning before Luke came home. That was not meant to be. In fact NONE of my plans for this birth or pregnancy for that matter were going to work out the way that I had planned.

As soon as we loaded Micah up my dad took off for home and we took off for the hospital. It was already 9:00 AM by this time. I could feel the contractions but they were not any stronger than they had been the past few days. We were in no rush so we showered and got ready for the day, packed bags and I had plenty of time to grab my birth affirmations book. Little did I know it would not even leave my bag.

When we got to the hospital the girl wheeling me upstairs in the wheelchair told me I looked great for being 35 weeks pregnant. Nice! God bless her! I felt HUGE! I was checked into the triage area of the birthplace and they hooked me up to monitors. Baby was doing great! Oh good. Next they collected a sample of my "water" and sent it off to the lab. It came back positive so I was admitted to the hospital. Our nurse just happened to be a distant family friend of Phil's and as I was being checked in my cousins mother in-law stopped in to say hi! I felt a little more at ease seeing some familiar faces. I was not expecting that!

When I got to my delivery room they started my IV with antibiotics. I was supposed to have my strep test the next week so as a precaution they had to treat me for strep. When my midwife checked in with me she told me the plan. She wanted to start me on pitocin to get the labor going and deliver in the late afternoon. At that point it was already 10:30 AM. I did not see that happening considering I was only 3 cm dilated and my previous 2 labors took a long time to get going. Hmmmm...I didn't know just how strong and effective that pitocin was going to be!

My contractions were nothing...until they started the pitocin...my first experience with pitocin!

Around noon they started the pitocin very slowly. I had felt great so far and I knew that because of that I was not progressing on my own. I was stuck in the bed because of all the IV's and monitors. It was a hassle just to get out of bed and use the restroom. I had to have my nurse help me with all of my cords! This was sooooo very different than my other births! And sooooo not how I had planned.

My doula Barbara arrived around 2:30ish. I still felt fairly good. My contractions were getting stronger but I was able to relax through them. I turned on a Pandora music station on my phone and I was just resting on my side and relaxing.

When Barbabra got there she started read me all of my messages from family and friends on Facebook. I look back very fondly on this part of my labor. So many people had written me already since they knew that I was in labor. It was very comforting!

Barbara reading my Facebook messages to me!

As my contractions continued to get stronger and they were turning up the pitocin Barbara massaged and put pressure on my hip. My back labor was strong and I knew it would be that way because of the way that Bevin was positioned. My previous 2 births had intense back labor too. I was no stranger to it but the pitocin was adding a little extra kick! Until this point I had "Knee Deep" by Zac Brown Band playing on the cd player but we switched over to "What do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road. The nurse check me and I was still only 3 cm dilated. The fear started to creep into my mind.

I was so conflicted. I was not even supposed to be here. This pregnancy was supposed to end back in the summer with a stillbirth. But here I was in December just a few weeks away from the due date. Was this really going to happen? Yes. Yes it was. And from what we could see on the monitor Bevin was doing great and handling all of the contractions like a champ! Unlike me...

I was humbled and my emotions were overwhelming me. When the contractions came I would cry. I was in mourning. For the first time in this pregnancy I felt like "Why me?" I thought about how my boys at home were getting ready to take a nap and I was sad that I was not there with them. I felt like I would trade anything just to be with my boys having a normal day. I also thought about how something could still go wrong with the delivery. We knew that we were having a girl but we didn't know if she would be okay? She may have birth defects that were not compatible with life? I knew that my midwife was feeling the same way. Phil was praying over me and Barbara was reading scripture and telling me that it would not be much longer. The nurse came and checked me and I was still only 4 cm dilated. It was almost 4 o'clock and I was still only 4 cm dilated. I called for the epidural.

After the epidural I was able to relax again finally. My emotions relaxed too. Less than an hour later I had quickly progressed to 10 cm and was ready to push. My epidural was really a great one. I could still control and feel my left leg and part of my right leg. I felt the pressure of the baby's head very low but felt no pain.

Time to push.

I really only ended up pushing about 3ish times. We were all very surprised that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times! The midwife told us no photos of the baby until she said it was alright. I think she was still having anxiety!

I know it is blurry but Barbara captured our expressions seeing her for the first time!

Immediately they put Bevin on my belly and I was able to rub her back and then they whisked her over to the warming table. They didn't even take a chance and let Phil cut her cord.

I think this is a funny one of both of us!

The nurses started working on her right away. I could hear her crying but so one would really say what was going on.

Apparently the NICU team had been waiting outside the door and they were called in to work on her too. They told me that she had to go to the regular nursery and have some extra oxygen. They brought her to me to hold for a minute literally and whisked her away again.

I was happy to hold her alive! Even with all of the bruising! Hallelujah!

She was 5 lbs. 11 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Not bad for a preemie! Born at 4:54 PM.

Happy mama!

You can really see her facial bruising in this one. We don't know if it is from the birth, the cord being wrapped around her neck so tight and so many times or what? So mysterious? Just another mystery to add to the long list of oddities surrounding this pregnancy.

Right away I thought that she looked like Luke!

Taking some big breaths...maybe too big?

I did not yet realize that I would not be holding her again for a while or nursing right away.

With Bevin off safely in the nursery my mother in-law came in to visit. We all chatted and I was thinking about what I wanted to order to eat since I had not eaten all day.

Little did we know what was in store for us tomorrow?

To be continued...

Part 2

Part 3

Luke's Birth Story

Since Luke is officially 4 I guess I better get a birth story up on the blog for him. And since another labor and delivery is looming the time is NOW!

Once upon a time I was pregnant for the first time ever! This was taken a few days after I took a positive pregnancy test. Young, thin, and naive! I was looking for a "challenge"

Who would have guessed a 70+ weight gain and because of this extreme weight gain a stress fractured foot?

Luke's due date was Dec. 7th. It was originally the 11th and they moved it at some point to the 7th but they were using a super confusing sliding chart to determine the date. It never really made sense to us but they are the professionals not us! Thanksgiving was on Nov. 24th. Since it was so close to the dues date we stayed home and family came to us for an amazing Thanksgiving meal at Malibu Grill. I remember being quite large and quite swollen that weekend. We even went shopping on Black Friday. Nothings gonna hold us back! I had a unexplainable urge to decorate our apartment for Christmas. It was kind of odd because we had not decorated at all the year before but I was determined to bring my new baby home to his first Christmas. We bought an artificial tree (something I thought I would never do) and I squeezed into the tiny storage space under the stairs and got out the ornaments and decorated away. I even wrapped all of the presents.

The Monday after I woke up kind of tired. I went into work and started making calls and emails. I had a few projects to wrap up before the baby came and I wanted to get things taken care of. I told everyone that I was still pregnant and ready to wrap things up. I walked over to the library over my lunch time and on my way back decided that I was exhausted so I decided to go home and take a quick nap. My "quick nap" ended up being almost 3 hours! I had missed calls on my cell from various people including my mom and Phil. I called my mom back at 4:30 and told her that I was still pregnant and that the baby probably was not coming today. Phil came home around 5 and I started peeling potatoes. Shortly after starting the potatoes I went in the bathroom and discovered that I was losing my mucus plug. There was a lot of it and it just kept coming. I was really confused. The doctor had told me that I had probably already lost my mucus plug and I just didn't notice. It kind of concerned me that it kept coming.

We called and spoke to the doctor around 6ish. He determined over the phone that I WAS losing my mucus plug and that was all. He told me to just plan on coming into the office on Thursday morning for my regularly scheduled appointment. Well okay then! I decided that I was not in labor and was relieved because I was just so exhausted already. Our friend Peter had stopped by to eat dinner with us and I had a FULL plate of mashed potatoes and beef roast from the crock pot. I assured Phil and Peter that I was not in labor. After eating, I laid down on the sofa and started reading a handout that the hospital had given us in our birthing class. I started to wonder if maybe my water had already broken? Again, I was confused because amniotic fluid is supposed to be clear or straw colored and what I was leaking was cloudy and greenish. Around 7 we started to time some contractions, just for fun really. By the time Peter left we were still pretty sure that I was not in labor. Hey, the doctor said to come in on Thursday and this was Monday!

The contractions intensified quickly and were getting closer together. We decided to go for a walk outside and then decide what to do when we came back. Walking around did not make the contractions go away. They were getting stronger. I remember taking a few steps and then grabbing onto the chain link fence in our apartment complex. By the time we made it back home my contractions were already 3-5 minutes apart. Phil called the doctor this time because I could barely talk. This was around 10 at night and my doctor was reluctant but decided I better come in to the hospital and get checked. We packed up quickly drove to the hospital. I was very uncomfortable the whole way. Once we got there I insisted on walking up to the maternity floor myself. I did not want to sit down.

When we walked onto the maternity floor they asked me if I had an appointment? Ummm, no! Phil did tell them that the doctor had told me to come in and that I was preregistered. The nurses quickly got me into a gown and checked to see how dilated I was: 4 cm! So I was officially in active labor and my water HAD broken. It was just tinted with meconium (babys 1st bowl movement). Not too big of a deal but I had to be hooked up to monitors immediately because they were worried about the baby. They asked me if I had planned on getting an epidural and I told them that I had not decided yet. I was hooked up to a monitor, laying in the hospital bed in intense labor and they were asking me millions of questions. I was ticked because the things that they were asking me were the same things that I had already preregistered for. I assessed the situation and realized that the nurses (who kept asking me if I wanted an epidural) did not know what to do to help me or calm me down. I was a crazy woman! I also realized that because of the meconium scare that I was going to be stuck in the bed with monitors the whole time. I asked the nurse and she said that I would probably dilate 1 cm an hour until I got to 10 cm. It REALLY freaked me out that I would be like this (crazy woman) for 6 more hours. I could not imagine it. I felt desperate. The next time the nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural I said yes.

I had no clue that it would take over an hour to get that epidural! My doctor finally came to check me around 11'ish and he broke my water the rest of the way. Apparently I was only leaking and it had not fully broken. Boy did that hurt. I about jumped out of the bed and ran. Phil missed this part because he had gone out to the car to get our stuff. The epidural finally came around midnight. Phil almost passed out when he saw the needle. The nurse helped him sit down on the floor and got him some juice. Again, I about jumped out of the bed when they gave me the numbing shot before the epidural. I was a crazy woman! I didn't know it at the time but our friends the Gaynors were at the hospital and were waiting to come see us and popped into the room next door when they heard my craziness and saw the epidural cart. They came over once the craziness had calmed down.

I was amazed how quickly I calmed down. I went from being a desperate crazy person to being my old happy self. I apologized to all the nurses and smiled big for the camera. I was happy to have visitors (it was like midnight!) and felt like chatting up a storm. Night and day difference. Phil called my parents and they were on the way to the hospital but would not be there until 4 AM. We decided to try and get some sleep. I could not sleep though, I was too excited. I was having a baby!

In labor after the epidural

The nurse came in periodically and checked me for dilation. I progressed 1 cm an hour just like they said I would. My parents peaked in around 4 AM when they arrived. They couldn't believe how peaceful I was. They wanted to let us rest so they headed out to the waiting room to sleep too. Around 5 AM the nurse told me that I was 10 cm. How easy was that and it was time to push. We thought Luke would be here really soon!!!

When I first started to push I could feel nothing. The nurses were coaching me but it was a S-L-O-W process. They turned down the epidural. Suddenly I was exhausted from pushing, in pain, and no baby in sight. They got me a mirror thinking that would help? The mirror really stressed me out. When I pushed I could see Luke's head but when I stopped pushing the head would go right back in! I would scream in discouragement. This whole silliness went on for 2 1/2 hours!!! My mouth was so dry but they would only let me have one small ice chip at a time. I could not catch my breath because of the position I was in and the frequency of the contractions. When the doctor finally came a little after 7 AM. Right away he took the tweezers and pinched me right where the baby was coming out and I screamed and jumped in extreme pain! He couldn't believe that the epidrual was not working. Yep, I had been telling them that for a while. So he gave me a local pain shot. Then without telling me what was going on gave me a massive episiotomy and pulled Luke out.

The nurses whisked Luke away and started to suck out his lungs. There was nothing I could do! I was helpless and stuck laying in the bed getting stitched up. I kept asking if Luke was alright? Phil was standing right with Luke in the heating lamp while they were working on him. He reassured me that everything was fine. They just really had to make sure that his lungs were clear because of the meconium. If he would have aspirated any it could have caused some serious problems and blocked his airway. Thankfully, he was fine and was able to breast feed shortly after his birth.

A good caption for this photo could be "What did we do?"



One moment we were 2 and the next minute we were suddenly 3! Yikes! We are parents and we don't know what we are doing.

My parents got to meet Luke pretty quick after he was born! My dad said "He is a pretty boy" and "I've seen that baby before" (meaning he looked a lot like me and he still does!)

I feel like I was really out of it after I nursed him. His first time nursing took an hour and the pediatrician came to check him out after he nursed. He checked out fine and the nurses gave him his first bath and then they switched us over to the recovery rooms. I was exhausted but happy. I don't think that I slept all night and I still was too excited to sleep. We had plenty to friends that stopped in for visits over the next few days. We took Luke home from the hospital on the 29th. It just happened to be our anniversary! What a good memory! My brother and Aunt Lisa came down from Indy to meet Luke and Drew grilled steaks on the grill for dinner.

I was so glad that I had all of the Christmas decorations already up. I guess I was nesting after all?! It was soooo fun having a new baby right around Christmas time. I love that we have photos with the tree in the background!

I also remember the first song that I sang for him was "Silent Night" Very appropriate! He did give us some rough nights in the beginning.

I also remember that he came just in time for Phil's finals...he did not do so great that year. It's hard to do your best work with a new baby at home! We kind of thought that Luke would come late (everyone said that he was a first baby and would be late) and that would have been after finals were over. He was 10 days early. Some things you just can't plan for!

Phil studying

We were still fairly young and naive parents! We did things like take a 1 month old baby to an IU basketball game:

And we took him to a semester abroad in Paris where he took his first bites of solid food...

...and rode in a cab twice with no car seat...

Sheesh. All of this birth talk has me a little worked up. Luke's birth was similar yet different from Micah's. With Luke I was SO not ready for birth but my first experience helped me with the 2nd one and I hope that helps me with this 3rd one!

Chow for now!