It was 6:45 AM.
I paced around my bedroom with a pounding heart. It was too early! I had just hit the 35 week mark. Why was this happening? I texted my doula and told her that I thought my water had broken. I called my doctors office and they were not open yet so I spoke to the on call doctor and he told me to come into the hospital. I thought maybe it was not my water. The baby had been pushing on my bladder and maybe my bladder had finally had enough!
My doula had planned to drive up from Bloomington for Bevins' birth and she just happened to be headed to a birth in Indianapolis as we were chatting on the phone. She planned on heading to Fort Wayne as soon as she could. I was eager for her to be at the delivery. I couldn't believe this was going to work out?!
I called my parents and my dad came to pick up Micah and take him back to their house. Thankfully Luke was already there. We let him stay there the night before after church so that I could have a small break. I was so uncomfortable. At church I found myself winded as I was trying to carry on conversations. When we got home I got to work on the super big brother capes that I was making for the boys. I wanted to give the boys the capes in the hospital when they came to visit. I stayed up late getting them finished and went to bed before finishing because I figured I could finish them in the morning before Luke came home. That was not meant to be. In fact NONE of my plans for this birth or pregnancy for that matter were going to work out the way that I had planned.
As soon as we loaded Micah up my dad took off for home and we took off for the hospital. It was already 9:00 AM by this time. I could feel the contractions but they were not any stronger than they had been the past few days. We were in no rush so we showered and got ready for the day, packed bags and I had plenty of time to grab my birth affirmations book. Little did I know it would not even leave my bag.
When we got to the hospital the girl wheeling me upstairs in the wheelchair told me I looked great for being 35 weeks pregnant. Nice! God bless her! I felt HUGE! I was checked into the triage area of the birthplace and they hooked me up to monitors. Baby was doing great! Oh good. Next they collected a sample of my "water" and sent it off to the lab. It came back positive so I was admitted to the hospital. Our nurse just happened to be a distant family friend of Phil's and as I was being checked in my cousins mother in-law stopped in to say hi! I felt a little more at ease seeing some familiar faces. I was not expecting that!
When I got to my delivery room they started my IV with antibiotics. I was supposed to have my strep test the next week so as a precaution they had to treat me for strep. When my midwife checked in with me she told me the plan. She wanted to start me on pitocin to get the labor going and deliver in the late afternoon. At that point it was already 10:30 AM. I did not see that happening considering I was only 3 cm dilated and my previous 2 labors took a long time to get going. Hmmmm...I didn't know just how strong and effective that pitocin was going to be!
My doula Barbara arrived around 2:30ish. I still felt fairly good. My contractions were getting stronger but I was able to relax through them. I turned on a Pandora music station on my phone and I was just resting on my side and relaxing.
When Barbabra got there she started read me all of my messages from family and friends on Facebook. I look back very fondly on this part of my labor. So many people had written me already since they knew that I was in labor. It was very comforting!
Barbara reading my Facebook messages to me!
As my contractions continued to get stronger and they were turning up the pitocin Barbara massaged and put pressure on my hip. My back labor was strong and I knew it would be that way because of the way that Bevin was positioned. My previous 2 births had intense back labor too. I was no stranger to it but the pitocin was adding a little extra kick! Until this point I had "Knee Deep" by Zac Brown Band playing on the cd player but we switched over to "What do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road. The nurse check me and I was still only 3 cm dilated. The fear started to creep into my mind.
I was so conflicted. I was not even supposed to be here. This pregnancy was supposed to end back in the summer with a stillbirth. But here I was in December just a few weeks away from the due date. Was this really going to happen? Yes. Yes it was. And from what we could see on the monitor Bevin was doing great and handling all of the contractions like a champ! Unlike me...
I was humbled and my emotions were overwhelming me. When the contractions came I would cry. I was in mourning. For the first time in this pregnancy I felt like "Why me?" I thought about how my boys at home were getting ready to take a nap and I was sad that I was not there with them. I felt like I would trade anything just to be with my boys having a normal day. I also thought about how something could still go wrong with the delivery. We knew that we were having a girl but we didn't know if she would be okay? She may have birth defects that were not compatible with life? I knew that my midwife was feeling the same way. Phil was praying over me and Barbara was reading scripture and telling me that it would not be much longer. The nurse came and checked me and I was still only 4 cm dilated. It was almost 4 o'clock and I was still only 4 cm dilated. I called for the epidural.
Time to push.
I know it is blurry but Barbara captured our expressions seeing her for the first time!
I think this is a funny one of both of us!
I was happy to hold her alive! Even with all of the bruising! Hallelujah!