Bevins' Baby Dedication, Mothers Day, Mysteries and Commitments

 We had the privilege of dedicating Bevin today in the presence of our friends, family and church congregation.  I cannot even begin to put into words just how thankful we are as parents to participate in this special milestone today!  I don't mean to sound like a broken record here (on this blog, Facebook, etc) but we are beyond BLESSED that Bevin was ever born.  You can read more about her mysterious story here.  We believe that we witnessed a miraculous healing in her pregnancy and birth and that her story has a higher purpose.  A purpose that is as mysterious as her healing.  We don't even know as her parents what to expect from her! 

 It was around this time last year that I realized that I was pregnant with baby #3.  It happened like this:  I felt pregnant and I took a positive pregnancy test.  A pregnancy test that sat out on the counter for the days and weeks ahead.  We were a bit overwhelmed at first.  Phil and I had just been discussing that may be "2" was our magic number!  It seemed like the practical thing to do.  I grew up in a family of 4 and loved it!  I knew no other way.  Our emotions were a combination of excitement and fear.  Isn't that how most parents feel whether this is a first pregnancy or more?

I was confused because I had actually taken a positive pregnancy test back in March.  For a few days we thought I was pregnant (until this point I had never taken a negative test) and we were in a little bit of shock.  Were we ready for 3 kids???  I was so shocked that I set up an appointment with the midwife that I had not yet met but they didn't want to see me until 11 weeks into the pregnancy.  We really didn't talk very much about it and a few days later I took another test and it was negative.  I thought that was kind of strange and then started my regular cycle 2 days later right on schedule.  I just chalked it up to a faulty test and we both breathed a sigh of relief.  Around this time is when we really started to feel comfortable with 2 as our number.  And the mystery surrounding B begins...

In April I canceled my appointment with the Midwife (it was set for the beginning of May) and my regularly scheduled cycle came again like clockwork.  I was looking forward to the summer and all of the fun things that we had planned like using our zoo membership, my summer Bible Study, and our trip to Madison Wisconsin and other fun summer adventures!  Then in the beginning of May, after being super careful all month not to get pregnant, I just felt pregnant and I took another positive pregnancy test.  I was really confused so I bought some more tests and starting taking them everyday for 4 days.  These tests stayed pregnant and it appeared that this time I really was pregnant.  I set up another appointment with the Midwife.  Again, they didn't want to see me until 11 weeks.  The receptionist saw on my patient history that I had previously canceled an appointment and wondered if this was still the same pregnancy?  I told her no but then started to wonder if it was the same pregnancy from March or not?  I decided that I had watched too much "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC and decided to tell them about the March pregnancy test when I went to my first appointment in June.

Everything about this pregnancy seemed "normal" so much so that I was SURE that I was having another boy!  I felt like this is just what I do.  I do not get morning sickness, in fact I did not throw up once throughout all three pregnancies.  My "sickness" was more in the evening and it is mostly exhaustion, it takes me a while to start showing and then when I do it really "pops" out, my babies come early and they are all boys...

The day of my June appointment I felt terrible.  I had started in the day before with a super sore throat.  Combine the sore throat with the ailments of pregnancy and my appointment couldn't come fast enough.  I was hoping that they could suggest some relief for my issues (sore throat and a extremely dry patch of skin on my hand) and have answers for the positive pregnancy test from March.  I would NEVER get to talk about any of these issues though because the moment that I met the midwife she had bad news for me about our "routine" ultrasound.  Everything that I had planned to inquire about was out the window!  They didn't even consider me a patient until July so I never asked about the whole March thing.  I kind of forgot about it in the midst of other fears.

I didn't think about it again until she was home from the NICU and I have never really told anyone about it until now.  Doesn't that bring some suspicion to the fact that she was born 5 weeks early?  I have to wonder if the 2 are related at all?  I may never know but this story just adds to the mystery of B's existence.  It also furthers my suspicion that there is a REASON that she is even here!  I really feel like God wanted her to be here.  He healed her in ways that defy modern medical science and He is already using her testimony to tell His story.  I have come to believe that God can use our own stories to tell His story.

We would have had Bevin dedicated no matter what (we dedicated Lucas and Micah) but I felt more urgent this time around.  Almost like feeling convicted that this is a special baby and that God has big plans for her life so I better make the commitment to raise her as a Child of God ASAP!  We believe that this dedication is a commitment to raise her up in the church and teach her about God.  It is not a baptism and it is not a guarantee that she will go to heaven.  We believe that her personal faith is her own choice not ours as her parents.  We also see this as us giving her back to God to use in His perfect way to further His kingdom.  God has given all of our children to us as a gift and we commit to offer them back to Him to use for His purposes! 

Love her smiles!

Today was a public commitment to raise her up in this way and expose her to God and allow her to be used by Him but before today God has already been using her story to encourage others!  Before she was even born her story has quickly become the most popular posting on this blog and as of tonight it has been viewed 617 times!!!!  I am thrilled that her story has potentially touched many more people than I would ever even know.  I was even presented the opportunity to share Bevins' story to a group of middle school girls at a local private school! 

Bevin looking at grandma.

Shortly after Bevin and I shared her story in the school, my small group of High School Junior girls (of which I am a co-leader) and I made plans to meet and pray together outside of a local abortion clinic.  The abortions are performed on Thursday mornings at this particular clinic so we met together outside the clinic on Wednesday night with other folks from the community (that we didn't know) that had gathered to pray.  I felt compelled to have her there with us that night to pray outside the abortion clinic.  It felt completely right that she be there to represent and be a symbol of the babies and lives that we were praying to save.  It was an emotional experience for me as her mother having been given the option to "do the humane thing" and abort this sick and chromosomally deficient mass of tissue, this BABY that I was holding as I fervently prayed out-loud and cried, mourned and ached for other babies that might find themselves in Bevins' position. 

So much personality!

We were also given the opportunity to share our story in an interview that we recorded with our pastor a few weeks ago.  That interview was shown today during both church services after the dedication and was actually the bulk of the service!  It is amazing how her story is affecting and encouraging people in all sorts of ways.  God just keeps bringing along opportunities to TELL HIS STORY BY USING HER STORY.  I know that this is my job and responsibility as her mother and I pray that I will not be a stumbling block in her divine calling.

Trying to free her feet from her massive skirt!

So what have I learned from all of these experiences?

Some things are just unexplainable period.  If God wants something to happen HE WILL MAKE A WAY!

ALL BABIES ARE MIRACLES.  No matter the circumstances surrounding their conception, all of the tiny little things that have to happen to create a healthy and alive baby are infinite.  Humbles me to my knees!

Whatever your lot in life, God has given you a platform.  Recognize it and use it to bring Him Glory!

Telling your story opens up a door of communication with other people.  Through the process of sharing my story so many people have come to me and told me their story!  This is what life is all about folks.  Sharing life with each other is part what brings us joy in being human as we go through life together.

Life is fragile.  There is no guarantee that I will even ever finish writing this post.  Whether we live 9 weeks in our mothers womb or 99 years on this earth that life can have meaning and purpose.

Big Brother Micah and Bevin

Made in God's Image

This:

Plus This:

And this:

Equals This:

And This:

Nursery in Progress

 Bevin's room is almost finished!  The walls have been painted, the rug rolled out, and artwork on the walls.  But we still have a few serious steps to take...like a crib!  Ha!  Micah is still occupying our family crib even though he has moved into a room with his big brother.  So for the interim Bevin is sleeping in her pack and play bassinet as you will see a few photos down.  No worries!  She has not made one peep about it.  

 A few items have been hung on the walls.  It can be a little intimidating to hang things on your freshly painted walls but sometimes you just have to go for it!  I did hang this too high originally and I have to patch one small hole.  No worries.

 I LOVE the way that the stripes turned out!  Don't you?

 I also love the simple framed birth announcement.  All I did was scotch tape Bevin's birth announcement to a piece of vintage wallpaper.  (I can say vintage right?  It is a Ralph Lauren pattern from 2000 so it is a decade old.  At least it sounds cooler to say "vintage")  Then I cut the paper to fit a frame that I got from T.J Max.  I originally did it as a temporary fix until I printed the right sized photo but NOW I love it just the way it is.  Don't you love how that happens! 

 Some day a crib will go where the pack and play is now.  We are playing around with the idea of getting her a new crib that converts into a toddler bed and letting Micah stay in his crib as long as he needs.  Believe me, nobody wants that one wandering the house alone at night.    Recently I found Micah in the kitchen chopping the tops off of strawberries with our largest knife.  And before that I caught him Windexing the wall with a disinfecting wipe.  As soon as I caught him in action he took a big bite out of the wipe!  That story ended with extra babyproofing and a phone call to the pediatrician and poison control!

 Miss B enjoying the view...

 ...of her bear mobile.

 Talking to them.

 Making sure her sheep is close at hand.

Well Visits - Bevin Noelle

 Bevin had her 2 month well visit at the pediatrician on Friday!

 B's getting to be such a BIG girl!  She is already moving past the 0-3 and wearing 3-6 outfits and sleepers!

 Her newest tricks include: smiling and laughing at us and her brothers, she most definitely knows her mama's voice, loves her orca whale sounds/sound machine, swaddling still brings her comfort, she has been sleeping a 5 hour stretch in her bassinet in her own room up until this past week as she has had her first cold, and she can kick and punch like nobodys business!

 B went from weighing 6 lbs. 5 oz. at her 2 week doctor appointment to 12 lbs. 10 oz. yesterday at her 2 month visit!  That is a doubling of weight.  Most excellent job my dear!  So she went from the 55% on the preemie chart to the 80% on the BIG GIRL chart.  Nice.

 2 Week:  weight-6 lb. 5 oz.

             length-19 1/4"

 head size-13"

 2 Month:  weight-12 lb. 10oz.

          length-21 3/4"

     head size-14 1/2"

 I must apologize for the lack of posts as of late!  My hands and heart have been full in the bestest of ways!

Grow B Grow!

Impossible Things Are Happening Every Day: The Story of Bevin's Birth

December 8th I woke up in the morning, rolled over and felt my water break.

It was 6:45 AM.

I paced around my bedroom with a pounding heart. It was too early! I had just hit the 35 week mark. Why was this happening? I texted my doula and told her that I thought my water had broken. I called my doctors office and they were not open yet so I spoke to the on call doctor and he told me to come into the hospital. I thought maybe it was not my water. The baby had been pushing on my bladder and maybe my bladder had finally had enough!

My doula had planned to drive up from Bloomington for Bevins' birth and she just happened to be headed to a birth in Indianapolis as we were chatting on the phone. She planned on heading to Fort Wayne as soon as she could. I was eager for her to be at the delivery. I couldn't believe this was going to work out?!

I called my parents and my dad came to pick up Micah and take him back to their house. Thankfully Luke was already there. We let him stay there the night before after church so that I could have a small break. I was so uncomfortable. At church I found myself winded as I was trying to carry on conversations. When we got home I got to work on the super big brother capes that I was making for the boys. I wanted to give the boys the capes in the hospital when they came to visit. I stayed up late getting them finished and went to bed before finishing because I figured I could finish them in the morning before Luke came home. That was not meant to be. In fact NONE of my plans for this birth or pregnancy for that matter were going to work out the way that I had planned.

As soon as we loaded Micah up my dad took off for home and we took off for the hospital. It was already 9:00 AM by this time. I could feel the contractions but they were not any stronger than they had been the past few days. We were in no rush so we showered and got ready for the day, packed bags and I had plenty of time to grab my birth affirmations book. Little did I know it would not even leave my bag.

When we got to the hospital the girl wheeling me upstairs in the wheelchair told me I looked great for being 35 weeks pregnant. Nice! God bless her! I felt HUGE! I was checked into the triage area of the birthplace and they hooked me up to monitors. Baby was doing great! Oh good. Next they collected a sample of my "water" and sent it off to the lab. It came back positive so I was admitted to the hospital. Our nurse just happened to be a distant family friend of Phil's and as I was being checked in my cousins mother in-law stopped in to say hi! I felt a little more at ease seeing some familiar faces. I was not expecting that!

When I got to my delivery room they started my IV with antibiotics. I was supposed to have my strep test the next week so as a precaution they had to treat me for strep. When my midwife checked in with me she told me the plan. She wanted to start me on pitocin to get the labor going and deliver in the late afternoon. At that point it was already 10:30 AM. I did not see that happening considering I was only 3 cm dilated and my previous 2 labors took a long time to get going. Hmmmm...I didn't know just how strong and effective that pitocin was going to be!

My contractions were nothing...until they started the pitocin...my first experience with pitocin!

Around noon they started the pitocin very slowly. I had felt great so far and I knew that because of that I was not progressing on my own. I was stuck in the bed because of all the IV's and monitors. It was a hassle just to get out of bed and use the restroom. I had to have my nurse help me with all of my cords! This was sooooo very different than my other births! And sooooo not how I had planned.

My doula Barbara arrived around 2:30ish. I still felt fairly good. My contractions were getting stronger but I was able to relax through them. I turned on a Pandora music station on my phone and I was just resting on my side and relaxing.

When Barbabra got there she started read me all of my messages from family and friends on Facebook. I look back very fondly on this part of my labor. So many people had written me already since they knew that I was in labor. It was very comforting!

Barbara reading my Facebook messages to me!

As my contractions continued to get stronger and they were turning up the pitocin Barbara massaged and put pressure on my hip. My back labor was strong and I knew it would be that way because of the way that Bevin was positioned. My previous 2 births had intense back labor too. I was no stranger to it but the pitocin was adding a little extra kick! Until this point I had "Knee Deep" by Zac Brown Band playing on the cd player but we switched over to "What do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road. The nurse check me and I was still only 3 cm dilated. The fear started to creep into my mind.

I was so conflicted. I was not even supposed to be here. This pregnancy was supposed to end back in the summer with a stillbirth. But here I was in December just a few weeks away from the due date. Was this really going to happen? Yes. Yes it was. And from what we could see on the monitor Bevin was doing great and handling all of the contractions like a champ! Unlike me...

I was humbled and my emotions were overwhelming me. When the contractions came I would cry. I was in mourning. For the first time in this pregnancy I felt like "Why me?" I thought about how my boys at home were getting ready to take a nap and I was sad that I was not there with them. I felt like I would trade anything just to be with my boys having a normal day. I also thought about how something could still go wrong with the delivery. We knew that we were having a girl but we didn't know if she would be okay? She may have birth defects that were not compatible with life? I knew that my midwife was feeling the same way. Phil was praying over me and Barbara was reading scripture and telling me that it would not be much longer. The nurse came and checked me and I was still only 4 cm dilated. It was almost 4 o'clock and I was still only 4 cm dilated. I called for the epidural.

After the epidural I was able to relax again finally. My emotions relaxed too. Less than an hour later I had quickly progressed to 10 cm and was ready to push. My epidural was really a great one. I could still control and feel my left leg and part of my right leg. I felt the pressure of the baby's head very low but felt no pain.

Time to push.

I really only ended up pushing about 3ish times. We were all very surprised that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times! The midwife told us no photos of the baby until she said it was alright. I think she was still having anxiety!

I know it is blurry but Barbara captured our expressions seeing her for the first time!

Immediately they put Bevin on my belly and I was able to rub her back and then they whisked her over to the warming table. They didn't even take a chance and let Phil cut her cord.

I think this is a funny one of both of us!

The nurses started working on her right away. I could hear her crying but so one would really say what was going on.

Apparently the NICU team had been waiting outside the door and they were called in to work on her too. They told me that she had to go to the regular nursery and have some extra oxygen. They brought her to me to hold for a minute literally and whisked her away again.

I was happy to hold her alive! Even with all of the bruising! Hallelujah!

She was 5 lbs. 11 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Not bad for a preemie! Born at 4:54 PM.

Happy mama!

You can really see her facial bruising in this one. We don't know if it is from the birth, the cord being wrapped around her neck so tight and so many times or what? So mysterious? Just another mystery to add to the long list of oddities surrounding this pregnancy.

Right away I thought that she looked like Luke!

Taking some big breaths...maybe too big?

I did not yet realize that I would not be holding her again for a while or nursing right away.

With Bevin off safely in the nursery my mother in-law came in to visit. We all chatted and I was thinking about what I wanted to order to eat since I had not eaten all day.

Little did we know what was in store for us tomorrow?

To be continued...

Part 2

Part 3